Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely

How to Make People Like You Instantly

1. Ask yourself: What is it about this person that I can honestly admire
2. You will get the feeling that you have done something for someone that will never be able to repay you
3. That is a feeling that flows and sings in your memory long after the incident is past
4. There is one all-important law of human conduct: Always make the other person feel important
5. The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated
6. The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you
7. If you want sincere appreciation, hearty in their approbation and lavish in their praise then follow this rule
8. How? When? Where? All the time, everywhere!
9. Appreciate other people’s talents – delegate
10. Philosophy of appreciation – show each other respect
11. Little courtesies are the hallmark of good breeding
12. Admire great people and let them know it – Learn from them
13. YOU ARE IMPORTANT
14. Every man I meet is superior to me in some way. In that, I learn of him. Emerson
15. “… man, proud man, Drest in a little brief authority, … Plays such fantastic tricks before high heaven, As make the angels weep” Frequently those who have the least justification for a feeling of achievement bolster up their egos by a show of tumult and conceit which is truly nauseating.
16. People crave a little human warmth, a little genuine appreciation
17. Express your honest admiration for someone else’s hobby and achievements
18. Express your admiration for someone’s home
19. Express your admiration for someone’s office
20. Express your admiration for anything worthwhile
21. Express your sincere honest appreciation for what a person does and show them how important they are to you
22. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours

Talk in Terms of the Other Person’s Interest

How to Interest People

1. Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested. He would always know what to say.
2. The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.
3. Be a gentleman. Talk of things that interest and please the other person. Make yourself agreeable
4. The Million Dollar Principle: Talk in terms of what interests the other person
5. When you take the time and effort to find out what interests the person you are speaking to, the reward will be an enlargement of your life each time you speak to someone.
6. Remember, Talk in terms of what interests the other person

Be A Good Listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist

1. Most people want an interested listener
2. Carnegie once broke all the canons of courtesy, ignored all other guests at a party, and talked for hours to a distinguished botanist at a dinner party
3. He was stimulated, the botanist praised him for being a “most interesting conversationalist”
4. He didn’t do much talking, even if he wanted to. He had simple listened intently.
5. You must be genuinely interested in the conversation
6. He went even further… he was “hearty in his approbation and lavish in his praise.”
7. He told him that he was immensely entertained and instructed – which he was
8. He told him that he wished that he had his knowledge – which he did
9. He told him that he would love to wander the fields with him – which he had
10. He told him that he must see him again – which he did
11. He had merely been a good listener and had encouraged him to talk
12. Harvard president Charles Eliot once said, “There is no mystery about successful business intercourse … exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.”
13. Dr. Eliot’s listening was not mere silence, but a form of activity. He listened with his eyes as well as his ears.
14. He listened with his mind and attentively considered what you had to say.
15. Listening to your customers will produce long-term customers
16. Assignment: Stop what you are doing and really listen to a person
17. Listen and sympathize and watch the results
18. What people really want is a feeling of importance, sometimes by kicking and complaining
19. Once this person gets his feeling of importance, his imagined grievances vanish into thin air
20. Listen patiently, even if you are tempted to interrupt
21. Interrupting is a bad policy
22. Let them talk themselves out
23. Then when they are in a more receptive mood, thank them for telling you about their problem, then come up a with a solution
24. “Believe me, I am far more interested in hearing about this then you are to tell it”
25. You’ll find them becoming a bit disappointed because you’ve decided to thank him rather than scrapping
26. The Western Union principle – ask people of success about how they got there. These men and women will fire you with a vision and ambition that will shape your life.
27. Many people make an unfavorable impression because they don’t listen attentively
28. Very Important: People have told me that they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait.
29. Most people simply want a sympathetic listener to whom they can unburden themselves
30. That is frequently all the irritated customer wants, and the dissatisfied employee or the hurt friend
31. Keep your eyes mild and genial
32. Keep your voice low and kind
33. You’ve no idea what it means to be listened to like that
34. If you want people to shun you or mock you behind your back, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone very long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, bust right in and interrupt in the middle of the sentence. Oh, how many friends you will make.
35. Bores, intoxicated with their own egos, drunk with a sense of their own importance
36. People who talk only of themselves, think only of themselves
37. And those who think only of themselves are hopelessly uneducated. No matter how instructed they may be.
38. So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener.
39. To be interesting, be interested.
40. Ask questions that others will enjoy answering.
41. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments
42. Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.
43. A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.

Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language

If You Don’t Do This, You are Headed for Trouble

1. The Jim Farley System – Whenever he met a new acquaintance, he found out his or her complete name and some facts about his or her family, business and political opinions. He fixed all these facts well in mind as part of the picture, and the next time he met that person, even if it was a year later, he was able to shake hands, inquire about the family, and ask about the hollyhocks in the backyard.
2. Jim Farley had campaigned for Roosevelt and months before the campaign began, he wrote hundreds of letters a day to people all over the western and northwestern states. He would drop into town, meet his people at lunch or breakfast, tea or dinner, and give them a “heart-to-heart talk”. Then he’d dash off again on another leg of his journey.
3. As soon as he arrived back East, he wrote to one person in each town he had visited, asking for a list of all the guests to whom he had talked. Each person would receive a personal letter from James Farley. Each letter began Dear Bill, Dear Sally and they were always signed Jim.
4. Jim Farley discovered early in life that the average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together.
5. Remember a person’s name and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment
6. Make the effort to learn a person’s full name, even if its difficult. The reward is worth the effort
7. The Carnegie Rabbits
8. The Pullman Palace Car Company
9. The bigger the corporation gets, the colder it becomes – one way to warm it up is to remember names
10. The Executive who tells me he can’t remember names is at the same time telling me he can’t remember a significant part of his business and is operating on quicksand.
11. People are so proud of their names that they strive to perpetuate them at any cost
12. For many centuries, nobles and magnates supported artists, musicians and authors so that their creative works would be dedicated to them
13. Most people don’t remember names, for the simple reason that they don’t take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds.
14. President Roosevelt knew that one of the simplest, most obvious and most important ways of gaining good will was by remembering names and making people feel important
15. To recall a voter’s name is statesmanship. To forget it is oblivion.
16. And the ability to remember names is almost as important in business and social contacts as it is in politics.
17. Napoleon the Third could remember the name of every person he met… His technique was simple. If he didn’t hear the name distinctly, he would have them repeat it clearly. Then if it was an unusual name, he would say, “How is it spelled?”
18. He would repeat it several times during a conversation and tried to associate it in his mind with the person’s features, expression and general appearance.
19. Another way, he would write the name down on paper, looked at it, concentrated on it, fixed it securely in his mind, and then tore up the paper.
20. Eye impression – Ear impression
21. “Good manners,” said Emerson, “are made up of petty sacrifices”
22. We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly owned by the person with whom we are dealing… and nobody else.

Smile

A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression

1. The expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back
2. Charles Schwab told me his smile had been worth a million dollars
3. Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “ I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”
4. A smile can convert a room into a pleasant and enjoyable experience
5. A heartwarming smile, a smile that comes from within
6. People who smile tend to manage, teach, and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children.
7. Encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment
8. You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you
9. As I started smiling at everyone, everyone started smiling back at me
10. I treat those who come to me with complaints and grievances in a cheerful manner
11. I smile as I listen to them and I find that adjustments are accomplished much easier
12. I have also eliminated criticism from my system. I give appreciation and praise now instead of condemnation.
13. I am now a much richer man
14. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy
15. Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can directly regulate the feeling which is not
16. Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there
17. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inward conditions
18. Mental Attitude is everything
19. “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so” Shakespeare
20. Abel Lincoln once remarked that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be”
21. Don’t expect people to come to you. You have to go out and meet them
22. Preserve a right mental attitude – the attitude of courage, frankness and good cheer
23. To think rightly is to create
24. Carry your chin in and the crown of your head high
25. A man without a smiling face must not open a shop
26. Your smile is a messenger of your good will
27. A smile can make a person realize that all is not hopeless – that there is joy in the world

Become Genuinely Interested in Others

Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere

1. A dog is the only animal that doesn’t have to work for a living
2. A dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love
3. You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
4. Most people are interested only in themselves morning, noon and night
5. If we merely try to impress people and get people interested in us, we will never have many true, sincere friends. Friends, real friends, are not made that way.
6. It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.” Alfred Adler
7. If the author doesn’t like people, people won’t like his or her stories
8. The Magic Method – I am grateful because these people come to see me. They make it possible for me to make my living in a very agreeable way. I’m going to give them the very best I possibly can.
9. Love your audience
10. Roosevelt had an honest liking for humble people
11. The same concern for the seemingly unimportant people
12. Never forget that to be genuinely interested in other people is a most important quality for a salesperson to possess – for any person, for that matter.
13. You can win the attention and time and cooperation of even the most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in them.
14. we admire your work… deeply interested in getting their advice and learning the secrets of their success… we realize that you’re busy… list of questions about themselves and their methods of work
15. All of us like people who admire us
16. If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people – things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness
17. Remembering birthdays
18. Learning languages
19. Greet people with animation and enthusiasm
20. Train service staff to speak with a tone of voice that radiates interest and enthusiasm
21. “We are interested in others when they are interested in us” Publilius Syrus
22. A show of interest must be sincere. It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention.
23. If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind
24. Become genuinely interested in other people

Arouse in the other person an eager want

“He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks A Lonely Way”

1. When fishing for people, use the right bait
2. Bait the hook to suit the fish
3. The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it
4. Don’t preach… instead show them how something will benefit them
5. “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” Jesus
6. Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire…. First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.”
7. The only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants.
8. Enthusiasm
9. How can I make this person want to do it?
10. Advantages and DisAdvantages
11. “If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford “ It lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
12. People are only interested in what they desire
13. If salespeople can show us how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won’t need to sell us. We’ll buy. And customer’s like to feel that they are buying – not being sold.
14. Arouse desire in the people that you are trying to sell
15. The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.
16. People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.” Owen D Young, a noted lawyer and a one of America’s great business leaders.
17. Building Block Principle… an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle
18. Speak about the advantages and benefits that the person will gain … more pep, Keener edge to the appetite. Clearer brain. Fun. Games. Etc
19. Self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature
20. When we have a brilliant idea, instead of making others think it is ours, why not let them cook and stir the idea themselves

Give honest, sincere appreciation

1. There is only way to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.
2. Any other way, either by threats, guns, whips or forceful intimidation, have sharply undesirable repercussions
3. The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want
4. Sigmund Freud said that everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great
5. John Dewey phrased it, “the desire to be important”
6. Lincoln once began a letter, “Everyone likes a compliment”
7. William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” The Craving is what he said.
8. The rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand and “even the undertaker will be sorry when he dies.”
9. Prizes give people a feeling of importance
10. How you get your feeling of importance determines your character
11. George Washington wanted to be called “His Mightiness, the President of the United States”
12. Some people become invalids to win sympathy and attention
13. Some authorities declare that people may actually go insane in order to find, in the dreamland of insanity, the feeling of importance that has been denied them in the harsh world of reality
14. If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity.
15. Charles Schwab was paid a salary of a million dollars a year in 1921 for this reason… “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.”
16. There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.”
17. Once I did bad and that I heard ever / Twice I did good, but that I heard never.”
18. Schwab declared, “I have yet to find the person, however great or exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism.”
19. “Here lies one who knew how to get around him men who were cleverer than himself...” Carnegie’s epitaph
20. Rockefeller would always find something to praise
21. That’s great!! We don’t always do as well as that upstairs.”
22. The number one reason for runaway wives was “Lack of Appreciation
23. “I can’t think of six things that I would like to change about you. I love you just the way you are.” The Red Rose Principle
24. The Plate of Hay
25. Broadway producer, knowing the value of appreciation and confidence, he made women feel beautiful by the sheer power of his gallantry and consideration.
26. People crave appreciation almost as much as they crave food
27. Alfred Lunt, one of the greatest actors of his time, said, “There is nothing I need so much as nourishment for my self-esteem.”
28. Kind words of appreciation would sing in a person’s memories for years like the music of the morning stars.
29. Nature compensates for disabilities – appreciate these differences
30. Flattery will do more harm than good.
31. The difference between flattery and appreciation is simple. One is sincere and the other is insincere. One comes from the heart and the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other is universally condemned.
32. Mexican General Alvaro Obregon wrote, “Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”
33. I am talking about a new way of life.
34. King George V “Teach me neither to proffer nor receive cheap praise.”
35. Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself
36. “Use what language you will,” said Ralph Waldo Emerson, “ You can never say anything but what you are.”
37. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth.
38. One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation.
39. We should never forget that in our interpersonal relations all human beings hunger for appreciation.
40. Try Leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips.
41. Honest appreciation gets results where criticism and ridicule failed.
42. “I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore , that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
43. Every man I meet is superior to me in some way. In that, I learn from him.”
44. Try to figure out the other person’s good points.
45. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,”
46. People will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime- even repeat them years after you have forgotten them.

Do not criticize, condemn or complain

1. It is foolish to scold
2. Criticism is futile because it usually puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself
3. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment
4. Rewarding good behavior will cause a person to learn much more rapidly and retain what he learns much more easily
5. As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation
6. Instead, Ask questions that would lead a person to their own understanding of a rule, regulation or policy and the importance of compliance
7. Again, criticism is futile
8. Criticism leads to condemnation on both sides
9. Ghandi, “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind”
10. Assignment: Abraham Lincoln “”The most perfect ruler of men that the world has ever seen – Read Lincoln The Unknown
11. A valuable lesson: never criticize anybody for anything
12. Malice toward none with charity for all
13. Judge not that ye be not judged
14. Lincoln: “Don’t criticize them, they are just what we would be under similar circumstances
15. The Five Dollar Bill Principle
16. Confucious: “Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof when your own doorstep is unclean
17. When dealing with people, we are dealing with creatures of emotion, bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity
18. Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people, that he was made ambassador to France
19. Benjamin Franklin: “I will speak ill of no man and speak all the good I know of everybody” This is the secret to success
20. It takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving
21. “A great man shows his greatness” said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men”.
22. Bob Hoover – Big Hug
23. Father Forgets by W Livingston Larned
24. Understanding breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness
25. “To know all is to forgive all”
26. God himself does not propose to judge man until the end of his days” Why Should you or I?”