Show respect for the other’s person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”

A Sure Way To Make Enemies – and How to Avoid It

1. Theodore Roosevelt once confessed, “that if he could be right 75 percent of the time, he would reach the highest measure of his expectation.
2. If you can’t be sure of being right even 55 percent of the time, why should you tell other people they are wrong?
3. You can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words – and if you tell them they are wrong, do you make them want to agree with you? Never.
4. You have just struck a direct blow at their intelligence, judgement, pride and self-respect. That will make them want to strike you back. But it will never make them want to change their minds. You have just hurt their feelings.
5. Never begin by announcing “I am going to prove so and so to you” That’s really bad. That’s the same as saying, “I’m smarter than you are. I’m going to tell you a thing or two and make you change your mind”
6. That is a challenge.
7. It arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you before you even start.
8. If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.
9. Men must be taught as if you taught them not / And things unknown proposed as things forgot – Alexander Pope
10. “You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself” Galileo
11. “Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so” Lord Chesterfield
12. “One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing” Socrates
13. I can’t hope to be smarter than Socrates, so I have quit telling people they are wrong. And I find that it pays.
14. “Well, now, look. I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently am. And if I am wrong, I want to be put right. Let’s examine the facts.”
15. There’s magic in such phrases
16. No one will every object to your saying, “I may be wrong. Let’s examine the facts.”
17. “Our company has made so many mistakes that I am frequently ashamed. We may have erred in your case. If so, Please tell me about it.”
18. Most people will thank you for being so understanding. Showing respect for all customers’ opinions and treating them diplomatically and courteously will help beat the competition.
19. You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong.
20. This will stop all arguments and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broadminded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong.
21. Most of our so-called reasoning consists of finding arguments for going on believing as we already do.
22. Very rarely do we permit ourselves to understand precisely what the meaning of the statement is to the other person.
23. When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves. And if we are handled gently and tactfully, we may admit it to others and even take pride in our frankness and broadmindedness. But not if someone else is trying to ram the unpalatable fact down our esophagus.
24. Assignment: Read Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography
25. Ben Franklin was big enough and wise enough to realize that it what was said to him was true, to sense that he was headed for failure and social disaster. So he made a right-about-face and began to change his insolent, opinionated ways.
26. “I made it a rule,” said Franklin, “to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiments of others, and all positive assertion of my own. I even forbade myself the use of every word or expression in the language that imported a fix’d opinion, such as ‘certainly,’ ‘undoubtedly,’ etc., and I adopted, instead of them, ‘I conceive,’ ‘I apprehend,’ or ‘I imagine’ a thing to be so or so, or ‘it so appears to me at present.’ When another asserted something that I thought an error, I deny’d myself the pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing immediately some absurdity in his proposition: and in answering I began by observing that in certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right, but in the present case there appear’d or seem’d to me some difference, etc. I soon found the advantage of this change in my manner; the conversations I engag’d in went on more pleasantly. The modest way in which I propos’d my opinions procur’d then a readier reception and less contradiction; I had less morifications when I was found to be wrong, and I more easily prevail’d with others to give up their mistakes and join with me when I happened to be right.”
27. At first, this mode was against every natural inclination… then it became almost second nature… a habit of my integrity
28. The benefit was that I earned so much weight among my fellow citizens….
29. In business, “I am convinced that nothing good can be accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong. You only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making yourself an unwelcome part of any discussion.”
30. “I’ve found by asking questions in a very friendly, cooperative spirit, and insisting continually that they were right, I got him warmed up, and the strained relations between us began to thaw and melt away.
31. A little tact, and the determination to refrain from telling the other person they are wrong, saved my company a substantial amount of money and no dollar value could equal the good will that was saved.
32. Martin Luther King once remarked, “I judge people by their own principles – not by my own.”
33. Do not speak with malice toward any, only the good will you know of all.
34. “The president asked my opinion of him,” replied General Lee, “he did not ask for his opinion of me.”
35. “Agree with thine adversary quickly.” Jesus
36. “Be diplomatic,” counseled King Akhtoi of Egypt. “It will help you gain your point.”
37. In other words, don’t argue with your customer or your spouse or your adversary. Don’t tell them they are wrong, don’t get them stirred up. Use a little diplomacy.