The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
You can’t win an argument
1. There’s a divinity that shapes our ends, rough-hew them how we will
2. Why prove to a man that he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you?
3. How much better it is not to become argumentative
4. I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument – and that it to avoid it.
5. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes
6. Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right
7. You can’t win an argument
8. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.
9. A man convinced against his will, Is of the same opinion still
10. My immediate task is to train a person not to talk and to avoid verbal fights.
11. Again, be agreeable… what you say is true, it is a reputable company, it is a great product, you can’t go wrong,
12. You will leave no room for debate
13. Then you can move on to the finer points of your own product
14. I lost years of my life scrapping and arguing.
15. Now I keep my mouth shut. It pays.
16. If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.
17. Which would you rather have, an academic, theatrical victory or a person’s good will? You can seldom have both.
18. Here lies the body of William Jay, Who died maintaining his right of way, He was right, dead right, as he sped along, But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong
19. So I decide to avoid the argument, change the subject, and give him appreciation
20. I mean every word I say
21. Most people want to feel important
22. Give them the feeling, expand their ego and watch them become more sympathetic and kindly human beings
23. Buddha said, “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love.” And a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
24. “No man who is resolved to make the most of himself,” said Lincoln “can spare time for personal contention. Still less can he afford to take the consequences, including the vitiation of his temper and the loss of self-control. Yield larger things to which you show no more than equal rights; and yield lesser ones through clearly your own. Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite.”
25. Welcome the disagreement. Remember the slogan, “When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.”
26. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
27. Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best.
28. Listen first. Give you opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers.
29. Try to build bridges of understanding.
30. Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.
31. Be honest. Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
32. Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully. And mean it. Your opponents are probably right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”
33. Thank you opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
34. Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem. Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear. Be prepared to ask yourself the hard questions.
35. Could my opponents be right? Partly right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? Is my reaction one that will relieve the problem, it will it only relieve my frustration? Will my reaction drive my opponents further away or draw them closer to me? Will my reaction elevate the estimation good people have of me? Will I win or lose? What price will I have to pay if I win? If I am quiet about it, will the disagreement blow over? Is this difficult situation an opportunity for me?
36. Opera tenor Jan Peerce, after he was married fifty years, once said, “ My wife and I made a pact a long time ago, and we’ve kept it no matter how angry we’ve grown with each other. When one yells, the other should listen – because when two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations.”
1. There’s a divinity that shapes our ends, rough-hew them how we will
2. Why prove to a man that he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you?
3. How much better it is not to become argumentative
4. I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument – and that it to avoid it.
5. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes
6. Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right
7. You can’t win an argument
8. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.
9. A man convinced against his will, Is of the same opinion still
10. My immediate task is to train a person not to talk and to avoid verbal fights.
11. Again, be agreeable… what you say is true, it is a reputable company, it is a great product, you can’t go wrong,
12. You will leave no room for debate
13. Then you can move on to the finer points of your own product
14. I lost years of my life scrapping and arguing.
15. Now I keep my mouth shut. It pays.
16. If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.
17. Which would you rather have, an academic, theatrical victory or a person’s good will? You can seldom have both.
18. Here lies the body of William Jay, Who died maintaining his right of way, He was right, dead right, as he sped along, But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong
19. So I decide to avoid the argument, change the subject, and give him appreciation
20. I mean every word I say
21. Most people want to feel important
22. Give them the feeling, expand their ego and watch them become more sympathetic and kindly human beings
23. Buddha said, “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love.” And a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
24. “No man who is resolved to make the most of himself,” said Lincoln “can spare time for personal contention. Still less can he afford to take the consequences, including the vitiation of his temper and the loss of self-control. Yield larger things to which you show no more than equal rights; and yield lesser ones through clearly your own. Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite.”
25. Welcome the disagreement. Remember the slogan, “When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.”
26. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
27. Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best.
28. Listen first. Give you opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers.
29. Try to build bridges of understanding.
30. Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.
31. Be honest. Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
32. Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully. And mean it. Your opponents are probably right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”
33. Thank you opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
34. Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem. Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear. Be prepared to ask yourself the hard questions.
35. Could my opponents be right? Partly right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? Is my reaction one that will relieve the problem, it will it only relieve my frustration? Will my reaction drive my opponents further away or draw them closer to me? Will my reaction elevate the estimation good people have of me? Will I win or lose? What price will I have to pay if I win? If I am quiet about it, will the disagreement blow over? Is this difficult situation an opportunity for me?
36. Opera tenor Jan Peerce, after he was married fifty years, once said, “ My wife and I made a pact a long time ago, and we’ve kept it no matter how angry we’ve grown with each other. When one yells, the other should listen – because when two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations.”
posted by JP Globetrotter at 4:49 PM
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